Hobo's for Jesus

Hobo’s for Jesus –

I do have to say, my life seems like it is transformed by the teachings of brennan manning. However, they really seem harder for me to follow than the moralistic codes that I have been steeped in for so long.

We are like ragamuffins, hobo’s under God’s grace, but so many times I find my self spiritually, and in physical life wrapped up in pride.

When I spent time around the homeless,(the true down and out, not panhandlers) so many of these men were so broken, They wouldn’t ask or demand anything, but if things got bad enough they would ask you. And boy, woud they be greatful. If you handed a guy a bag of day old cheesburgers you would think that you had handed him a wad of $20 bills. And change and cigarettes became Diamonds and Faberge eggs before my very eyes.

But here I am. I would rather walk 2 miles in the rain than to ask someone for a ride. I would rather blow all my money on something that I don’t necessarily need, so I’d never have to borrow it from anyone. I’d spend money that I could use on important things on things that I only made important because they helped to maintain my image, so I could cherish my rare and fleeting prize of a passing comment falling on my burning, eavesdropping ears.I'd spend time and money to make sure I can watch TV so I have an excuse not to have human contact.

A homeless guy doesn’t care that he stinks, many of them could care less that you don’t. While you sit wondering why your life stinks so bad because you’re not getting your college paid for and you have to work a minimum wage job to get spending money for your own STUFF, here is a guy who is grateful just to have electric lights overhead, heat in the vents and a place to go with a door on it. And, boy, if he gets a cup of coffee, even better.

And I sit in my smarmy white boy universe, smug in the fact that I know that Jamaican blue mountain is far better that Kenyan AA coffee, and I wouldn’t drink that mcdonald’s swill if you paid me. I know that I have a warm bed at home with running water and a cabinet full of food, but I spent so many years with a hard ungrateful heart. A kid who couldn't get over the fact that my parents actually expect me to spend time serving at church, and do chores around the house and help with home improvement projects.

What I wouldn’t give to go back, have one more Saturday morning where mommy calls me to wake up and instead of rolling my eyes and pretending I don’t hear, I jump out of bed, and am so thankful for the fact that she cooked weird drop biscuits that are absolutely useless for putting eggs on and that she served sunny delight even though it makes me gag. And what I wouldn’t give to happily pitch in with getting the house cleaned up so I could relieve some stress from an already stressed life and avoid so many fights about where the flashlight went, or why do I have to buy this tool again, or why can’t these boys just clean up after themselves?

What I wouldn’t give to put on the first clothes in my drawer instead of carefully laying aside all of my carefully purchased designer clothes so I could get some clothes on that would be suitable to do the work I had been asked to do.

I would be so grateful to have the opportunity to cut boards, and haul logs, and pack a wheel bearing with grease, without complaining and keeping my mind on what social event I could get a mental and emotional buzz from next.

But too little, too late. I can just do with the rest of my life what I know to do. And that is to live poor in spirit. Live like a (relative) king (in chimp like-luxury), think like a hobo, always believe you don’t deserve the air you’re breathing, and be grateful for the dirt under your fingernails… and the people that love you enough to get you uncomfortable.

But above all, being grateful for the gift that we have received in the Lord Jesus Christ, who allowed sinful creatures to relate to almighty God, who loves us passionately and madly and unconditionally. Knowing there’s nothing we could do to repay it, and that any attempt would just be a useless, stressed out, slap in the face to the loving giver. But we take that bag of cheeseburgers we may frown upon at first, and with nothing to give back to the giver, we express thanks and strike up a conversation. And when are hungry enough to open the bag, there’s a pack of smokes,( your brand too) and a five. You didn’t ask for it. But they gave it to you.

The next time you see the giver, you make sure you have 1 burger left. Just so you can offer one. He doesn’t need it, and you would have eaten it, but because you now have something to give back, not because you worked and bought them, but because it was given to you.

You’re so grateful that you want to share with him, And talk and enjoy each other. If you go out looking for work, it’s not because you know you need to change your life, but because there’s someone who doesn’t think the only thing you deserve is the scraps you can scratch together of the life you ruined for yourself and the shopping cart you put them in. But someone loves you. You don’t know everyting about him. But you go to that same table by that same bed of mulch and you find him.

We are hopelessly impoverished without the grace of Christ. When we truly latch on to this, the idols in our lives and the stress and depression we put on ourselves begins to melt away. American-itis, the need for more, universal gluttony and instant gratification, a disease I suffer from - begins to heal and we begin to experience a natural - not forced- relationship with the God of the universe who transcends the greatest wealth and poorest poverty.

Where do I stand?

Where do I stand when I head about the public promotion of all things Christian? I can't say that I disagree with it , no , that would make me a heathen and a god hater. Where do I stand when I see the need for a genuine move of god in my geographical and cultural part of this world?

Where do I stand when I hear about the number of people coming to Christ in the mission field? Is it the same fudging of numbers and half truths about results that I experience at work? Or is it something to be genuinely excited about?

Where do I stand when I have to realize that even in things that I am skeptical about and organizations and messages that I see as damaging and dangerous, there are genuine genuine people among the fakes and the frauds. And where do I stand when I realize the fakes and the frauds are just like me?

Where do I stand when the two diametrically opposed sides of philosophy religion and politics that I ascribe to at the same time, start to attack each other? Where do I stand between right and left and why can't I find more people willing to stand in the middle?

Where do I stand when I step back from righteous anger and realize how wrong I was? Where do I stand with god? And where do I stand with myself?

Thoughts on convo 9-15

We have to realize that we are Christians first and Americans second. The two do not go hand in hand. American capitalist economic policies are not scriptural mandates! When we realize this, the American church will prosper for the gospel. We may lose money as a nation. But if these people who are so adamant about the principles of scripture being played out in the public forum when it comes to moral choices in someone's personal life, why are they so adamant about the government not having any role in taking care of the sick and the poor?

This is not cut and dry for either side. For the political right and the political left we must both act with responsibility and honesty and realize that we are living a capitalist nation that was founded on Christian principles. The two are diametrically opposed at their individual core, but we must find a balance in ALL realms. And we must stop scare tactics and realize that we are Christians first and Americans second. But as long as we are living here we must learn how to be both.

The Son of God and Frasier Crane

We truly are the ironic generation. I know myself that I fond comfort and fun and fellowship in irony and cynicism. Even right now, sitting in a convocation service, all I can think is how I can mock the speaker or pick apart his message. Alot of this sounds a little over dramatic, but when I boil it down that's what I want to do.

Now I think that beIng aware and thinking and thinking critically are all important. I think that there are too many people in the church and in the world at large that simply don't take the time to think, but I have to come to. Point where I have to realize that it's not my place to think for them.

Who am I do devalue anyones thougts pr creative expression? I can't gonas indepth to this subject as I want to, but one thought that I had is that many of my thougts that I think are so profound as related to where I used to be intellectually and artistically and philisophically are simply the polar opposite of where I used to be.

I used to rail against the left, and now I sneer at the right. I'm trying to work out balance, but in the meantime, I simply sit smug and prideful.

Is there ever a point where irony and cynicism and sarcasm are innocent or even holy? I don know. One thing that I've found from interacting with people from other cultures is that sarcasm or irony are a strictly western invention. I hurt or confused some of my Asian, Indian or Nepali friends by making what I thougt was an innocent comment, but the sarcasm was construed as sincerity. Where does that put me in this line of thinking.

One of the people that I respect almost as much as any other artist is buddy greene. A southern gospel song writer. But here is a man who as an understanding of being an artist and a Christian. He has a love for art of all types and like me, he is not simply satisfied with the surface of a y song or work of art, he digs out the story, the maker, the maker's story and he lets all of this knowledge influence what he makes.

In my brief one on one conversation with him, when I started to spit out a bitter, snarky commnet, he said to me " Aaron, the church and the world needs artists, but it doesn't need any more cynics." we spoke a little more in the vein. But I didn't let it scratch beneath my intellectual surface.

Years later, i find my wife and I clashing over art because I get so snobby and cynical. Let's just say I've learned not to make country music jokes on long car rides... But later, I run into my friend phil and through a chance meeting in a barnes and noble ( which I must admit I visit becuase it makes me feel a little smarter just being there) but in my short conversation with phil, he responds
To a cynical comment of mine by sharing a struggle of his own with cynicism. He then shares with me something that has had my head turning over and over for weeks "cynicism is just a form of pride" . And there I stood, proud of my journey towards humility.

It's somthing that I need to work on, but then again all I can do is surrender and humble myself. There is a great reason that god never says for us to BE humble, he says to humble ourselves. It, like every other thing in this life, a journey. Somewhere we cannot arrive, because once I think I have arrived, I have in fact taken a step back.

God has been working me over lately,financially, intellectually and spiritually. At the risk of sounding trite, I've come to realize that god wants his children to live a life like his son Jesus, not Frasier Crane.